to be free.

we hurt. we burn. we bloom. 

At the beginning of this summer I promised myself it would be one full of great transformation. I’m 17 and the past few summers have all been important, and I think they will continue to be for a while. I’m doing the most growing and evolving right now than I probably ever will in years to come. These large, hugely shaping periods of growth are full of so much. So much happiness, sunshine, emotion, and clearance. I’ve quite literally felt myself evolving these past few months, and so far that has been nothing short of a very, very beautiful feeling.

I look back over these past few months and pinpoint a period of growth so instrumental in forming how my summer has been panning out, and that came with the deletion of my social media.

Believe it or not, my struggle with a technology addiction and especially instagram has served as a very large struggle for me. Instagram became a catalyst for my depression and built up an unbreakable barrier for my desire to live a life absent of comparison- and one of the most troubling thoughts through all of this was, I didn’t even believe social media was the cause.

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This past spring, I really felt myself getting more and more attached to social media, maybe more so than ever before. It was scary, I so desperately relied on getting likes, or comments, or reaching a certain amount of followers on my instagram. 

I placed so much of my happiness in getting a certain amount of likes, or comments, or reaching a high number of followers. It became an obsession, but one so deeply ingrained into my everyday life I didn’t even realize how fixated I was on it.

See the thing is, these apps are made to keep you coming back. Their job is to have you addicted to the content and mesmerization of scrolling through a feed for hours upon hours, but humans are not meant to live like that. Our moments aren’t less real if we never share them to social media. Deleting an app will not strip you of key life privileges or the beauty of appreciating a moment. I’ve even found it does the opposite. Deleting my instagram forced me be present in a moment. It forced me to look around and find purpose through other ways than posing for a picture and curating a witty caption. So far it’s brought me back to a very simple human philosophy i think everyone needs to inherit- and that is the remembrance that you should be honoring your own quality of life enough to make sure you are living it for yourself and not others, or not an app, or a follow, but simple for your own experience.

If you’re looking for a sign to take a break from whatever social media you think might be casting a negative tone in your life, please do, this is your sign.

Delete the app. Put your phone down. And take a break.

with all my love,