Streams of Consciousness
Inspiration is not a linear, constant feeling- it comes and goes, ebbing and flowing like the ocean. Do not ever shame yourself for having a hard time finding a good thought.
I have been writing my entire life, it was and will always remain my first love. I wrote my college essay about my passion for writing and how it’s helped me cope with every emotion I’ve ever experienced in this life. We all have those activities and even people who we know and learn, and love with throughout our lives, and often those interests fluctuate (inevitably) but writing has been the most consistent and constant thing in my life. Almost every warm memory I have from my childhood includes a moment where I’m writing and stimulating that part of my heart.
However, with everything in life, there come moments where you struggle, even with the things you love most. I’m not going to pretend like I haven’t had my doubts with all my different writing ventures, or even become insecure with my pieces because I most certainly have. But I’ve since learned that it is completely acceptable to not be perfect all the time, in whatever you love doing. You really have to learn to drop expectations and standards, especially with a creative craft like writing. You have to adopt a divergent mindset and you have to remind yourself why you keep doing the things that you love.
This stream of consciousness is dedicated to any writer who has ever struggled or dealt with self-doubt- and if you aren’t a writer I hope you find some sort of relation (no matter how minuscule) and apply my thoughts on dedication to some facet of your life.
Like I’ve shared, I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. In my sophomore year of high school, I pursued a childhood dream of mine that was repressed for years due to my anxiety and fear of judgment. I can’t quite remember what inspired me to eventually publish my writing in the form of a blog for the first time, but I do vividly hold in my memory the 30 seconds of unquestionable courage I had when first announcing my blog to the world via a social media post. It’s a feeling I imagine insanely confident people experience all the time, a true natural high and still a feeling I strive to experience as often as possible.
In my first year of blogging, I wrote solely about fashion and my love for it. I remember facing a moment in that year where I became incredibly uninspired, and through that, I put a lot of blame and self-shame because I was combining two things I knew I loved, that being: fashion and writing. But I suddenly hated it, and it brought along a lot of confusion for me. During that bout of uncertainty, I found a blogger who I still love to this day (insert link here) who wrote a blog post consisting of her recent emotions and feelings she was living through. Instantly I was so inspired by her vulnerability and candidness, and gradually throughout the next two years I learned how to adopt those same writing habits, and fell deeply in love with writing again. I can’t begin to describe how much friendship and love I have garnered through this style of writing, it’s something I will be forever grateful for.
That being said, through writing about some of the most intimate parts of my life and willingly posting them on the internet, I’ve faced my fair share of insecurity and lack of inspiration. It’s been the most relevant this year specifically.I was going through the college admission process which I let take a complete toll on my mental stamina, and unintentionally I let it affect my writing- My personal writing as well as my writing for this blog, which made me feel incredibly shitty, let me tell you. I’m happy to report that I feel as though I’m slowly slipping out of that writer's block and post-college admission haze, my blog is not going anywhere and it’s something I know I will continue for as long as possible.
These were the things that helped through my drought of inspiration:
- Find the people or places that inspire you most to keep doing what you love: For me, I started reading books again every night and began listening to inspiration podcasts. For other people, this might be going to an inspirational space or finding a person to look up to.
- Remind yourself constantly that you are never alone in your thoughts or emotions: I used to normalize my anxiety and think that it was just me who was experiencing such struggles. When I began blogging and basically sharing a lot of my struggles with the internet, I had so many people my age explain to me how alone they felt until they read my words, which was eye-opening, to say the least. Each time I feel alone, I bring to the surface a thought or moment where I remind myself that we are never the only ones going through things. You will be okay, a struggle is all part of the process.
- Make time to do what you love: This is a part of the journey I think a lot of people tend to look over. Especially for me, writing has always been something I just subconsciously did in my spare time, but when I fell out of it I didn’t even realize that my lack of inspiration was because I wasn’t even attempting. I let my negative connotations constrict me from trying in the first place.
I hope in some way after reading this you can begin to let go of expectations or pressure you put on yourselves. The stress is not worth it. When in doubt, go back to your roots and remember why you started doing what you do. Keep trying, and know that you are never alone.